In spite of being “big” most of my life, I have always had a fairly healthy self-esteem. This doesn’t mean that I am immune to insecurities (see Long Story Short…I HATE shorts) but it does mean that I’ve lived a mostly happy, fulfilled life even without fitting into a socially-preferred mold.
So when I discovered the Body Positive Movement about three months ago, it was as if my mother ship was calling me home. And I eagerly hopped aboard.
My initial stance was that of high school senior devoting time to assist incoming freshmen. After all, I’m 35. I’ve been there, done that (so let me show YOU the ropes), right?
Turns out “been there, done that” was really “been there, learned how to not create waves and now I’m stuck in my comfort zone of maxi dresses and vertical stripes.”
Or something like that.
Point being, I was no more a front-runner of the the body posi movement than Ross Perot was in the 1992 (or 1996) Presidential elections.
I was, however, completely sold on this idea of accepting myself and others (flaws, differences and all) and living a full, vibrant life every step of the way. I bought in big-time and started following all the body positive bloggers I could find. I even started a blog of my own (obvi!). And that’s when the changes began.
They were small at first.
Posting what I considered to be an unflattering picture of myself.
Wearing shorts, taking a picture and putting it on the internet for the world to see.
Wearing an outfit I would have previously reserved for a fancy date night to a not-so-fancy Thursday at the office.
More bare-faced photos.
And most recently, conquering my fear of body con dresses.
To the casual observer these steps may seem miniscule, but with every effyourbeautystandards hashtag and every fashion leap of faith, I was (am) becoming more sure of myself, bolder in my choices and more comfortable outside of my previous comfort zone.
Case in point. About a month ago I came up with the idea of starting an online course in which I would serve as an e-stylist and assist my students with revamping their current look/wardrobe. Initially, I was very excited about the idea and set to planning, typing, making videos…the works.
But somewhere along the way that little voice called doubt found it’s way in. “This is a stupid idea.” “It’ll never work.” “What are you thinking?” “Who would pay for that?” “Don’t bother, save yourself the embarrassment.”
I hate to admit it but I let the voice in. I stopped with all the course prep, convinced that by doing so, I would be saving myself from embarrassment and failure.
It was the shorts and jumpsuit and body con dress all over again.
BUT WAIT. I conquered those things. I overcame my fear then, surely I can do it again.
Yes, I can and I will overcome again. The course will be up and running before the week is out – naysayers be damned. (Check my facebook page for info on enrollment!)
So you see, for me the body posi movement isn’t just about conquering body issues. it’s about becoming a conqueror…in every area of life.